May 4

I suppose that loneliness is part of the tradition of hermitage. After crying, sleeping, and then walking 18 miles, I am still unsure about this decision as I was when Crystal drove away. While climbing today, my dissatisfaction did not emanate from the mountains or the trail. Instead, I felt very deeply a poverty in 4-5 months of solitude versus 4-5 months with her. Now, camped in a high meadow of Jeffrey pines and tall grass wonderful, indeed, how could I deny that? The wind sends ripples through the grass. I chose to be here, in the raw land. But, in that choice and in my own blindness I did not realize that I have robbed myself of a woman whose presence is like a dynamo in my heart. So, what do I choose? Her or solitude. Her or this adventure. Tomorrow morning, I will cross a road and a mile down that road there is a general store I will call her then.