May 14

The long march towards the high snowfields atop San Jacinto peak. Rumors amidst hiker crowds have escalated my anxiety about crossing the snowed-in area. People say you cant find the trail or snow is four feet high or you go sliding along down the slopes. I heard all of this last night at the state park in Idyllwild, spent that night dreaming of a cruel world of rock and ice, failed attempts at crossing, feelings of entrapment and confusion. I have heard dreaming is an evolutionary tactic that began with primitives to help prepare psychologically for difficult tasks such as hunting, warfare, childbirth, who knows. Anyway, snow has been on my mind, vividly and acutely haunting me. I cant wait for the anticipation to end, the rumors, the psyche out. Tomorrow, I will cross with a nice couple I met today in the mountains.

Today began by weaving along rock piles of weathered granite, protruding boulders, a lunar landscape. Much climbing has led us to 7000 ridgewalking the best and highest hiking yet.
Hitchhiked yesterday into Idyllwild, picked up by an indian in a pick-up truck. He told me that this peak, according to the Cahuilla, is occupied by Tahquitz, a cannibal monster who is perched upon the crag and forbids travel without the price of being eaten. Apparently, no indians ever went up to the summit area of the mountain it belongs to Tahquitz. To me, this speaks to the sense of danger that I have felt while approaching this peak. Visually, it is high and intimidating, capped with snow. The hike up has been arduously long and impatient, slowly crawling thirty miles upward. But, danger is something to learn from, a territory to be entered quietly and thoughtfully, with respect. Danger is a temple, walk into it and be transformed.